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To which LCP House do you belong? Take our quiz to find out!

You probably already know if you’re a Hufflebang or Ravenwhiz, but do you know to which Loud Coffee Press Poet House you belong? Take our quiz to find out!



1. You look outside to see that it is cold, dreary, and raining for the fourth straight day. Which of one the following best describes your response?


A. “It is impossible to feign the rain; thus hide - inside - I will.”


B. “The rain is but a concept of clouds, let us not cease our day for rain.”


C. “Pour some whiskey, don’t wait on the rain, or let it clobber you.”


D. “There is a rain in the wood. Oh, we’ll soon delight in earth’s petrichor.”



2. You need to choose the correct subway train, but are having trouble reading the map. Which one of the following best describes your situation?


A. I shall skip the train and take a cab; thus, interact little with few.


B. There is no right or wrong train; be not bamboozled by travel.


C. Maps are stupid, when we can ask a human, to tell us where to go.


D. It matters not which train you choose; all tracks ultimately converge as one.



3. You have just taken a cake out of the oven and are excited to frost and eat it. The directions say to let it cool for two hours in the pan before frosting. Which one of the following best describes your thoughts about the cake?


A. I could not wait to eat the cake, but the cake did wait for me.


B. One who eats incessantly would eat themselves ad nauseam.


C. Eat the damn cake warm, then after each bite, eat a spoonful of frosting.


D. Nothing warm can stay, the cake shall cool on winter’s day and I will eat.



4. The person of your dreams has just walked in and saddled up next to you at the bar. You have enough liquid courage in you to turn to them and say:


A. “How far is it to heaven? So very close to me.”


B. “I cannot pretend not to feel that I have fallen for you.”


C. “I want to feel your leg on my leg.”


D. “I desire that our night end in fire, not ice.”



5. You’re at a loud concert and a friend asks you to join them in the pit. You respond with which one of the following?


A. “I shall rather have you join me in the pit of my innards.”


B. “The pit does not exist. It is only people, grouped rowdier than where we stand.”


C. “The pit’s mad, but it’s magic.”


D. “The pits I enjoy are found in harvested fruits.”



Congratulations! See below to find out which Loud Coffee Press Poet House you belong!


Mostly A’s - You are the introvert author in Emily Dickinson’s Reclusive Ranch. You are a writer of great power and definitive voice. You pride yourself on your quiet nature and societal seclusion. You enjoy the finer simplicities of life, but think deeply about the big questions, like death, immortality, and who the heck designed “the ranch” with such tenacity.


Mostly B’s - You ponder your prose in Alan Watts’ Tao Tent. You are the bridge between the composed and the natural world, and a taker-of-risks attempting to describe the indescribable. Proceeding over the alter of life, you marry ideas to each other, philosophizing up and down this great big planet… all while waking up daily to a home into which you’re comfortably zipped.


Mostly C’s - You eviscerate your imagination in Charles Bukowski’s Transgressive Trailer. You are a writer with a voice of distinction and clarity. A person of endurance, a humanitarian, and someone with an eye for reality, you rely little on your material possessions. Though you may suffer from periods of disillusionment and imbibery, you put in honest work and channel your thoughts into poetry. The trailer park speaks for itself, you declare.


Mostly D’s - You’re a nature creator in Robert Frost’s Landscape Lodge. In the attempt to find the lodge, you took two roads, one more traveled than the other, but both led you here (despite popular interpretation). Both a teacher and a writer, journalist and politician, you enjoy the disciplined world that you insist be your way. Virtuous though you are, you sit high in your grand lodge, staring down your nose at those in tents and trailers. You are okay with ranches.


Disclosure: LCP assumes no responsibility for the validity or reliability of this ridiculous testing instrument.